Burn it all down.
Tuesday, September 11th, 2018
At an ungodly hour on April 1st, I kissed my cats and my family goodbye again ...And as usual I was filled with equal parts excitement and sadness. Excitement for the adventure that awaits me, excitement for the new people, places and things that are about to come into my life - And sadness, profound sadness for every minute I will miss with my people, my persons, and my familiars. I have always had a wandering way about me, I don't remember a time when I wasn't saving pennies in a jar for my great escape. I have always been in fierce pursuit of my passions, always following my gut - following my gut to a God-damned fault. My gut has always told me all of the hard truths. Following those instincts costs you dearly. It costs you time with the people you love most, it costs you the closeness that comes with being in one place. These sacrifices have never been lost on me, I was never young enough to live in blissful ignorance. Every time I fly away, I mourn everything I know I am missing, the kids growing slowly and trying on new versions of themselves, the casual conversations over coffees, the morning belly rubs, the closeness that comes with staying put. These are the things that are always on my mind.
I shared a post on Instagram earlier this week that read:
"The Woman you are becoming will cost you people,
relationships, spaces, and material things.
Choose her over everything."
Truer words have never been spoken or typed. I've been choosing her since I was a little girl, and a big part of me is proud of her. I have fought hard to be her. She is fire, she is the ocean, she is the sky, BUT... a little part of me is questioning whether or not "She's" also a crazy stubborn as fuck, fucking psychopath! I am working on getting clarity on that one.
When we came home to finish our album MoonChild, we did not know what it would take from us. We did not know how much time, how much money or how hard we'd have to fight to bring her to life on our terms. On September 28th she is finally here. We can finally close that chapter. I was expecting this enormous sigh of relief, I imagined this magnificent weight being lifted off of my shoulders, but I just feel strange, uncomfortable, like I've left the stove on and the doors unlocked... perhaps I just need to get used to the idea, maybe the relief will come to me yet.
We left Ireland 2 years ago to make this record at home, and naively, we never imagined it would take longer than 6 months... many things have changed since that time, including the vision of our business, the direction of our music, how we're approaching our part in the music industry as a whole. I think the biggest heart break in this life is how we imagined our lives were supposed to be... we are doing our best to keep up the momentum, to roll with the punches, to let go of what we thought it was supposed to be like and to embrace how it is... BUT MOSTLY to KNOW what IS within our control, and how to DEMAND what is rightfully ours. These have been hard lessons, standing our ground has left people, relationships, and countless opportunities in our wake. We have burnt many bridges, but I'd light that match all over again. We are not interested in anyone else's idea what what we should sound like. We are not interested in industry standards. We are not afraid of the cost of choosing authenticity. We are not afraid of chewing through you to get to where we are going. I will not compromise myself, and we will not compromise our integrity. But I must admit, this would all be a whole hell of a lot easier if we did.
How the hell did we get here?
Last August, Ry & I were on our “A Hungry Summer Of Love” Duo Tour, we kicked it off in England, and we were sitting in a venue, the Hope & Anchor in Islington, London, having a beer and something to eat. The opening band was late for sound check, so ourselves and the other act, The Gracious, Lovely and also Canadian, Jessica Pruneau (definitely check this lady out: http://www.jessicapruneau.com/ ) were all just chatting and waiting. Out of the corner of my eye I see three guys rushing the door, there was a lot of black, a lot of leather, and a lot of good hair. This is definitely the band. They were Confed. Fred. A power trio from “The South of England“ When you see a band that looks like this, first of all I get really excited because I'm a showgirl, and I seriously appreciate when a band looks like a band, you know? Instead of a bunch of guys that rolled out of a van wearing the plaid they slept in, BUT it's going to go one of two ways... they’re going to have huge egos, they're going to think they’re Gods' gift to music, but they’re going to be absolute SHITE, at best the spokespeople of mediocrity, you know the type, OR- They’re going to blow your fricking minds. ( I am ALWAYS praying for this... but bracing myself for the worst) That night was the first time in my life I looked up at another band and thought “I WANNA BE IN THIS FUCKING BAND!!”... You know that feeling when you just KNOW... that feeling in your gut that we were just talking about?? .... Here we fucking go again.
Listen Here: https://confedfred.bandcamp.com/
That night lead us down this very strange and messy journey with three complete strangers. April 2nd we arrived on The Isle of Wight, a quaint little island south of mainland England (referenced in When I'm 64 by The Beatles...now that songs in your head, you're welcome.) The home of Confed. Fred, and we jumped right in with both feet and zero expectations. We learnt each others songs and acted as each others band, trying each other on for size. Through illness and injury (me with my spontaneous allergies & reoccurring bronchitis; insert the worlds biggest eye roll here and strained wrist tendons from much too much epic guitar solo-ing on Confed. Fred's end) we whipped a set together in less than 2 weeks and hit the road; England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scotland; 2 bands, mostly strangers, living, sleeping, shitting and working together to see what we could make of it.
It felt like an old fashioned thing...like something they used to do in the 60's, when music was boundless and un-contrived... it's like we were Fleetwood Mac or something, merging sounds, blending vibes, our songs taking on a whole new life. What an invigorating and inspirational experience. I think we have all left this experiment forever changed by it. Marked by this wild adventure we all stepped up to the plate for. We are truly thankful for their willingness to take on these two, clearly insane, Canadians. We have met some wonderful people on this journey, friends we will have for life, people that opened their homes and their hearts to us. Our lives will never be the same and THANK GOD FOR THAT.
I think we have found some of the sound we were missing, I think what comes next is going to feel a lot more like home.
We have announced our Alberta Album Release Tour. We're coming home and we're bringing some walking, talking, singing, musical playing souvenirs with us. We are so looking forward to sharing with you all what the hell we've all been up to over here.
I will end on this note... growing is hard. It actually hurts. Letting go of the people you've loved, the places you've lived, and the life you've grown accustomed to, it hurts. No matter how painful, no matter how expensive, no matter how insane it sounds when you say it out loud, trust yourself. And just fucking do it. FOR GOD SAKES START DOING. Take action. You will be surprised at the fire of possibilities that will show itself after you burn it all down.
Stay Weird, Get Wild.
Jo-Jo O' X